The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
