I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is Oprah even human
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
