Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
