i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
are you so shy because you have an std?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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