Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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