Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
