I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
