So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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