I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
even my farts smell like vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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