Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
