Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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