did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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