So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
