Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
