You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
