i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
