porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
