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you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
