I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
