He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
