Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
