This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
