Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
