my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
