She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
