This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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