Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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