So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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