You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
