Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Boobs speak an international language.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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