Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
