If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
