This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
