Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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