thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
