Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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