but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
