This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
