i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
