Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can't turn off my feet"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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