So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
