I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
NoShamevember. You game?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
