There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
