New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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