Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
