OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
