Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
