Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
