I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
