I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Green mimosas i think yes
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
