I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
