I am midnight drunk by noon
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
