i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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