i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
