In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
